I'm not really sure how many parts our journey will take to share. I do know that I want to share the beautiful journey that Geoff and I have been on to this point. There are so many lessons that the Lord has been teaching me and I want to share those as well as have them for myself, when I need to remember what God has done.
We had been trying to start our family for about 6 months before we went to a doctor. It was really quite early for them to see us, especially since I was 25 at the time. However, I had a feeling that something wasn't right (I had been charting) and the doctor agreed to see us. In the early part of 2007 we had seen the fertility doctor and had several test results. While I do not remember if he gave us exact percentages, we did learn that our chances of getting pregant on our own incredibly small. I grieved this news and really did not want to share it with anyone outside of immediate family. All I had ever dreamed about as a child was to be a mommy. In fact, I'm pretty sure my exact plan when I was young was, "marry a doctor and have 12 children." An even dozen sounded good to me! If there was going to be any news that would bring me to my knees this was it. Of course, I didn't come to my knees right away, I took my time getting there. Here's the lesson in this, get to me knees sooner! Life is handled so much easier from that position.
In February of 2007 I went on a girls trip to the beach with my wonderful girlfriends from college. These are all amazing women, and yet I was not ready to let them in on my pain and tell them of my situation. However, just being with them that weekend was encouraging. They all love the Lord and are such amazing friends. The last morning of our trip I went to the beach by myself and it was there that I met with the Lord. I know that He is everywhere, but somehow being on the beach watching the ocean and the waves makes me feel so much closer to God. That day I cried out to the Lord about the pain I was in and for the first time I felt His peace over our situation. I journaled to the Lord as I was on the beach. I wrote, "Thank you for knowing that I needed to see the beauty of your creation to be reminded that you make no mistakes. It reminds me that you created Geoff and I in your image and you brought us together as husband and wife. You made us one and you have a perfect plan for us as well. You make no mistakes." It was here that I first surrendered my plans to the Lord declaring that I wanted our family in His plan and the way He wanted us to have it, and not in my plan. I came home from that weekend changed, at peace that our situation was no surprise to my Heavenly Father and willing to walk the path that He had for us.
Growing up we had the poem about the footprints in the sand in my house. I read it all the time and loved it! Especially the part about the man asking "why Father when I needed you most you would leave me?" The Lord replied, "It was then that I carried you." This weekend for me can be described as the Lord carrying me. Perhaps it was me surrendering and allowing Him to carry me as I'm sure he would have sooner If I had only surrendered.
I also read Proverbs 31 that weekend. Verse 30 says, "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but the woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised." My prayer became that I would be this woman who fears the Lord. I believe this is not about the being scared kind of fear but rather fearing something because you know the power it is capable of and you are in awe of that power. Experiencing the Lord's presence with me on the beach gave me a glimpse of how amazing and awe inspiring He really is.
When I returned Geoff could tell that there had been a change in me. Together we committed to walking the path the the Lord had for us and following where He would lead us.
