A Year Ago...

It was one year ago today that we found out we were pregnant! We had our transfer 9 days earlier and in those 9 days I discovered how very impatient I am. I spent lots of time drawing near to the Lord during those days as well. We had already been through one in vitro that was unsuccessful so it was a very difficult time of waiting. My heart so wanted to be hopeful but I was scared of the hurt that comes from an unsuccessful in vitro. I was learning to rely on the Lord and the truth His plans would prevail for our lives.

I went to the Dr.'s office that morning to get my blood drawn for the test and they asked me if I had already taken a pregnancy test. I had not. When we first started trying for a family I took an early test a few times and was so disappointed when it said "NO" that I just didn't care to go through that. I wanted to wait and have the "official" test to know for sure.

While I was waiting for the results that day I spent some time reading scripture and praying. I also wrote:
My spirit and my heart are at peace. They know that the Lord is in control, that none of this is happening by chance and that the plan He has for us is the one that will unfold...Sometimes I forget that we have a God in the business of miracles, and yet with my whole being I would love to have my miracle today. It's hard sometimes to balance how much you very much want something with fully relying on God to give you what you need and what he has for you. But somehow I think the Lord knows that both can be in your heart because I only truly want this miracle if it is in the Lord's plans for our life.

The nurse had told me that morning that if it was positive they would run another test to see exactly what my levels were. She called a little before 11am and asked if Geoff was with me. I told her he was at work but would come home when I called him. So she told me to get him and call her back. My heart sank. I didn't believe there was enough time for them to run both tests already and I figured she wanted me to have someone with me when she told me it was negative. Geoff came right home and while I waited for him I just talked to the Lord and asked Him to be with us. It was a little after 11am that Geoff got home and we called the nurse back. When she said, "Congratulations, you're pregnant!" I said, "Are you serious?" I think I was in shock!

We celebrated and praised the Lord for our miracle! We spent that day sharing our news with our family and friends and rejoicing in what the Lord had done.

I learned a lot of dependence on the Lord during that time that is helping me through these days when children are teething and fussy and not sleeping like they need to. Life with twins is not always easy (life with one baby is not always easy either) but looking back at a year ago today reminds me of how much I have to be thankful for and that the Lord is with me every step of the way.

The Journey (Part 1)

I'm not really sure how many parts our journey will take to share. I do know that I want to share the beautiful journey that Geoff and I have been on to this point. There are so many lessons that the Lord has been teaching me and I want to share those as well as have them for myself, when I need to remember what God has done.


We had been trying to start our family for about 6 months before we went to a doctor. It was really quite early for them to see us, especially since I was 25 at the time. However, I had a feeling that something wasn't right (I had been charting) and the doctor agreed to see us. In the early part of 2007 we had seen the fertility doctor and had several test results. While I do not remember if he gave us exact percentages, we did learn that our chances of getting pregant on our own incredibly small. I grieved this news and really did not want to share it with anyone outside of immediate family. All I had ever dreamed about as a child was to be a mommy. In fact, I'm pretty sure my exact plan when I was young was, "marry a doctor and have 12 children." An even dozen sounded good to me! If there was going to be any news that would bring me to my knees this was it. Of course, I didn't come to my knees right away, I took my time getting there. Here's the lesson in this, get to me knees sooner! Life is handled so much easier from that position.


In February of 2007 I went on a girls trip to the beach with my wonderful girlfriends from college. These are all amazing women, and yet I was not ready to let them in on my pain and tell them of my situation. However, just being with them that weekend was encouraging. They all love the Lord and are such amazing friends. The last morning of our trip I went to the beach by myself and it was there that I met with the Lord. I know that He is everywhere, but somehow being on the beach watching the ocean and the waves makes me feel so much closer to God. That day I cried out to the Lord about the pain I was in and for the first time I felt His peace over our situation. I journaled to the Lord as I was on the beach. I wrote, "Thank you for knowing that I needed to see the beauty of your creation to be reminded that you make no mistakes. It reminds me that you created Geoff and I in your image and you brought us together as husband and wife. You made us one and you have a perfect plan for us as well. You make no mistakes." It was here that I first surrendered my plans to the Lord declaring that I wanted our family in His plan and the way He wanted us to have it, and not in my plan. I came home from that weekend changed, at peace that our situation was no surprise to my Heavenly Father and willing to walk the path that He had for us.

Growing up we had the poem about the footprints in the sand in my house. I read it all the time and loved it! Especially the part about the man asking "why Father when I needed you most you would leave me?" The Lord replied, "It was then that I carried you." This weekend for me can be described as the Lord carrying me. Perhaps it was me surrendering and allowing Him to carry me as I'm sure he would have sooner If I had only surrendered.

I also read Proverbs 31 that weekend. Verse 30 says, "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but the woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised." My prayer became that I would be this woman who fears the Lord. I believe this is not about the being scared kind of fear but rather fearing something because you know the power it is capable of and you are in awe of that power. Experiencing the Lord's presence with me on the beach gave me a glimpse of how amazing and awe inspiring He really is.

When I returned Geoff could tell that there had been a change in me. Together we committed to walking the path the the Lord had for us and following where He would lead us.